rakish richard's rants...

When James Bond is on holiday...

...he usually thinks about his last mission, much as I have been doing over the last few days.

I can now divulge that the "Undisclosed Tourist Islands" I was staying on were the famous party beaches of Koh Samui and Koh Pha Ngan, where I was tracking the nefarious Dr. Banal - whose evil party potions have convinced the young travellers here that a good night out consists of actually clapping along to the clappy bit in 'Greased Lightning'... After going to two different bars which played the same two consecutive songs (Counting Crows 'Mr. Jones', and 'Greased Lightning'), I knew I was very close to him, but by clever disguise (everyone looks the same) he managed to elude me, leaving a trail of fake tattoos, and all the keys that make up the sentence 'it is soooo wicked here!' had been worn down in the internet cafes.

In order to blend in with the locals (I was undercover, by the hammer of the gods!) my volleyball 'Julie' and I had a photo taken with a very large Iguana (no Leon, that's not a beer), while sipping water under black lights at one of the wall-to-wall beachfront bars.

But, it's not all silenced PP7's and late night escapes on the back of a jet ski driven by a guy with shiny metal teeth for this old agent though, and after finishing my assignment we chose some accomodation based on the guide's perfect London accent, and settled in for our debriefing. After the dehydrated foods I've been living off for the last wee while (I have to store the food sachets in my cheeks when I'm 'working', and you thought astronauts had it tough), it was a pleasure to settle into 4 bacon sandwiches in a row. I know what you're thinking, and NO - only a pig would sit down an eat 4 in a row. I spread mine thoughtfully over Tuesday dinner, then Wednesday breakfast, lunch and dinner.

I saw one of my finest ever sunsets (off Koh Pha Ngan on Tuesday night), and caught my first night train (Chumphon to Bangkok), making it to Koh Chang (thanks Tom and Kerryn!) yesterday after a long bus ride where I was forced to watch Con Air (ok, good explosions, but even Timothy Dalton was a better Bond than Nicolas Cage's Cameron Poe, come on!) again...

So, in light of the change of country, and movement onto the greater Asian continent, I have decided to work it, work it, and am now sporting a natty handlebar mustache. As mentioned before I can't post pictures, but this is the best likeness I can find of my current image - check it...

Thanks to Berin for his messages, I've got your back man. We've been playing a lot of Carioca, but still have some questions about the rules - do the runs really have to be in suite? That seems rather tough. We've been pulling the "Ruuuuuu bellllllll aaaaaaaa!!!!" call fairly often, much to the delight of the locals.

Thanks also to Shihad, for changing their name back to, um, Shihad.

So, it's been deemed an activity day tomorrow, with waterfalls and hired scooters being talked about. I'm hoping for some stunts, but I'm not sure what's in the script as I haven't been briefed for tomorrow's scenes. There's a small chance I'm enjoying rereading Glamorama just a little too much...

Your man in tribute of Merv Hughes,

Arch :)

posted by Arch @ 9:35 PM