The Spangler
'Twas a warm summer's eve, on a train bound for Chiang Mai,
I met up with the Spangler, we were both too tired to read.
So we took turns a-starin' out the window at the jungle.
When a local on a bike overtook us, he began to speak.
He said, "Son, I've made a life out of selling Nike shoes.
Knowin' what their size was by the sound of their footsteps.
So if you don't mind my sayin', I can see you're out of laces,
For a taste of your Ouzo, I'll throw some in free if you buy some trainers..."
So, our move to stay somewhere a little closer to the herbal sauna paid big dividends, and I'm glowing like Yamashita's Gold now. For my second consecutive sauna, I opted for the moisturising Tamarind body scrub, which I thought was wise after yesterday's exfoliating session. According to Cosmo, results are 64% better if you follow an exfoliation with a moisturiser, and I know who I believe.*
We were staying at the Happy Huts, down south on Koh Chang on a beach called Bai Lan. The owner Steve (just a little bit of a tall tale teller) sorted us out, and we had seen our first massive lizard within hours of arriving. There was a lot of atmos at this place, with a rotting boat hull outside the restaurant being the best prop to date.
Our second day there was deemed another of the now famous 'Activity Days', taking the team out snorkelling. The promised 'fishing' component of the trip was merely a couple of hand lines thrown over the edge, with Aaron and I hauling in several fish that were, awww, centimetres in length! Our trip took us south of the fishing village Bang Bao, visiting 4 islands for snorkelling stops along the way. As was the way on our way to Flores, there was a lot of novelty diving partaken - Aaron executing a beautiful back flip in front of hoards of adoring Israeli's. I was happy to sit modestly in the shade, but Jules's taunt of, "That's better than anything you can do!" prompted me to take to the top rail and better my best friend's efforts.
Just so that I wouldn't make him look bad, I decided to land flat on my back from the top rail, and my howl of pain could apparently be heard from the beach, summoning monkeys, dogs, and other animals that respond only to loud, girlish yelps of distress. We read by the light of by burning back for the rest of the night...
After shuffling out of there though, our intrepid team of four braced themselves for another 'travel day', when tensions run high and sleep is often at a premium. Our whistle stop tour took us off Koh Chang by ferry, by truck to Traat (I only ever go by truck to Traat, truth be told, train's terribly tiresome...) then on a lush government bus to Bangkok, where we didn't have 'one night', choosing to catch the night train up to Chiang Mai, and the opening lines of this post.
We're staying now at 'Nice Place 2', which has a pool sooooo chlorinated that it has stripped the enamel from my teeth, but we've arrived safely and are booked in for some trekking over the next few days before we cross over into sunny, sunny Laos.
Here's my poem about Laos;
Oh Laos,
do I have the nouse,
to dowse,
my fear of the mouse?
if you think you can do better, please post it under the comments section. Keep it to 4 lines, all rhyming, and the first line must be 'Oh Laos'. Take your syllables and do what you wish...
Lastly, a big shoutout to my readers in America, particularly those in corn-riddled Minnesota - the land of the 205mph bikers. You're in my heart, you're in my soul, keep reading my blog 'til I grow old...
OK, this is getting to be a big post. When I return, there'll be elephants!, long necks!, bamboo rafts!, and juggling little people - juggling other little people!
Your man, with the bronzed tan,
Arch :)
PS: I can't guarantee the little people will actually be juggling other little people, sorry...
*It should however be noted, that 72% of statistics are made up on the spot.
All Hail 'Activity Day'!
And on the 54th day, the Lord said, "Get thee up off your backsides, and move your atrophied limbs." And Arch and Jules rose forth from their hammocks, and saw that it was good...
That's right, at the wise prompting of SmithCorp (a.k.a. The Tinseltowners) yesterday was deemed 'Activity Day', which we started with a tasty lunch (bacon sandwich...) before some wily bargaining to secure two scooters for the day.
After the requisite argument about who would drive (Jules has more experience on the road, I've had less crashes. HEAPS less crashes), we set off for Khlong Phlu waterfall, in a two bike convoy - rapidly lengthened by SmithCorp's rather slow progress.
Now, I'm no master when it comes to waterfalls, but this was quite the doozy - a snaking cascade of water from above, the air filled with mist and rainbows, and everyone wearing flowers in their hair. OK, I'm not 100% sure about the flowers in the hair - I might be imagining that one...
Anyhow, in front of the waterfall was a loverly deep blue swimming hole, and much time was spent frollicking around in the cool fresh waters, before we headed back out on our scooters for lunch at a roadside stall; one complete spit roasted chicken with sticky rice, yumbo...
After our little dip, it was decided to head further south, in search of the herbal sauna we'd seen a flyer for, down at Bai Lan beach. Now, as far as 'Must Do's' on the island of Koh Chang, this is one of them. The sauna is made of mud bricks, with lots of nice little areas around for hanging out, swinging in the hammock, and drinking real coffee (which has proven hard to find so far in Thailand). The shower is a bamboo spout, over riverstones, and the sauna is hot, really really hot...
We took the recommended course of two cycles in the sauna, followed by an exfoliating salt rub (I chose green tea, a smell the local dogs seem to dislike), and lastly - a final long soak. After a very long time of only ever getting soooo clean, it was great to know that my pores had gleefully opened up to accept salt's wonderful healing qualities.
Folks, I'm clean as a whistle.
So impressed are we with activity day, that we're actually moving out of where we're staying, so that we can be within walking distance of the sauna...
Readers, I hope you are made more careful while biking, as one of our readers (a certain Mike the One Armed Bandit) has suffered an ouchie while riding his bike. Doing jumps on a bike, when you actually grew up in a city isn't cool, and it isn't grown up, dude. Rest up, and let this little whippersnapper show you how to handle a Harley...
Berin, I have nothing to say to you, until your manners improve. Nic, this is clearly your fault.
On a sadder note, my wonderful sketching teacher from Architecture school, the esteemed Pat Hanly, passed away recently. He was a top chap, and his lessons were always a highlight of the week. As bewildered as I was at the time, laying upside down in the crater of Mt Eden was a really good way to teach us to try and look differently at things.
Your man eager to get to a sauna in a tropical country,
Arch :)
When James Bond is on holiday...
...he usually thinks about his last mission, much as I have been doing over the last few days.
I can now divulge that the "Undisclosed Tourist Islands" I was staying on were the famous party beaches of Koh Samui and Koh Pha Ngan, where I was tracking the nefarious Dr. Banal - whose evil party potions have convinced the young travellers here that a good night out consists of actually clapping along to the clappy bit in 'Greased Lightning'... After going to two different bars which played the same two consecutive songs (Counting Crows 'Mr. Jones', and 'Greased Lightning'), I knew I was very close to him, but by clever disguise (everyone looks the same) he managed to elude me, leaving a trail of fake tattoos, and all the keys that make up the sentence 'it is soooo wicked here!' had been worn down in the internet cafes.
In order to blend in with the locals (I was undercover, by the hammer of the gods!) my volleyball 'Julie' and I had a photo taken with a very large Iguana (no Leon, that's not a beer), while sipping water under black lights at one of the wall-to-wall beachfront bars.
But, it's not all silenced PP7's and late night escapes on the back of a jet ski driven by a guy with shiny metal teeth for this old agent though, and after finishing my assignment we chose some accomodation based on the guide's perfect London accent, and settled in for our debriefing. After the dehydrated foods I've been living off for the last wee while (I have to store the food sachets in my cheeks when I'm 'working', and you thought astronauts had it tough), it was a pleasure to settle into 4 bacon sandwiches in a row. I know what you're thinking, and NO - only a pig would sit down an eat 4 in a row. I spread mine thoughtfully over Tuesday dinner, then Wednesday breakfast, lunch and dinner.
I saw one of my finest ever sunsets (off Koh Pha Ngan on Tuesday night), and caught my first night train (Chumphon to Bangkok), making it to Koh Chang (thanks Tom and Kerryn!) yesterday after a long bus ride where I was forced to watch Con Air (ok, good explosions, but even Timothy Dalton was a better Bond than Nicolas Cage's Cameron Poe, come on!) again...
So, in light of the change of country, and movement onto the greater Asian continent, I have decided to work it, work it, and am now sporting a natty handlebar mustache. As mentioned before I can't post pictures, but this is the best likeness I can find of my current image - check it...
Thanks to Berin for his messages, I've got your back man. We've been playing a lot of Carioca, but still have some questions about the rules - do the runs really have to be in suite? That seems rather tough. We've been pulling the "Ruuuuuu bellllllll aaaaaaaa!!!!" call fairly often, much to the delight of the locals.
Thanks also to Shihad, for changing their name back to, um, Shihad.
So, it's been deemed an activity day tomorrow, with waterfalls and hired scooters being talked about. I'm hoping for some stunts, but I'm not sure what's in the script as I haven't been briefed for tomorrow's scenes. There's a small chance I'm enjoying rereading Glamorama just a little too much...
Your man in tribute of Merv Hughes,
Arch :)
G's Up, Hoes Down, it's Berin McKenzie!!
Ladies and Gents, it's not often that I'll pass the spotlight to another, but today is one of those days.
On this day, mid-to-late-twenties years ago, a cherubic little sproglet by the name of Berin McKenzie stepped up and ordered the 'Fried Breakfast with three eggs and a nice-sausagey-helping-of-German-Potatoes thanks very much' of life.
Today we celebrate this great man, and pay tribute to his wisdom, wit, and huge (girthy old) girth.
Mr McKenzie, I salute you for all that is wonderful about dwarves, military strategy games, slowly roasted meats, and sackfuls of belly laughs.
It's an amazing thing.
(you're an amazing thing...)
There once was a man called Berin,
Who tired of keeping a harem,
So he shacked up with Nic,
(Who's a hell of a chick)
And now won't let carbs near 'em.
I invite all readers to contribute a salutation to Mr. B. McKenzie, and share with me hearty bithday wishes.
The weather's here, I wish you were beautiful,
Arch :)
"Beach day, ATM"
This was my only note by the date for Tuesday the 7th of September, what could this mean?
Was my day so lazy that aside from going to the beach, all I needed to do was go to an ATM to further finance my rapidly-spiralling-out-of-control grilled corn habit? Perhaps it's a note to self to slow down; Beach day At The Most?
Well - I can say with certainty that the idle pace of the quest has been banished to the place where guitar picks, hair-ties, and 5-Year Any Year diaries go to - because Smith Corp have arrived!
We last left our intrepid adventurers trapped in the hammocks at Nasri Nipah Camp off the west coast of Malaysia, with Jungle Twitches setting in rapidly. Since that fateful day my faithful volley ball called 'Julie' and I have progressed up the coast and into Thailand, completing my first ever overland border crossing. This consisted of driving up to the border, getting out (while our minivan drove up another hundred metres or so) and walking up to get back into our van, and Viola! - we were in Thailand.
Fortunately leaving Malaysia was nowhere near as nervewracking as entering it - as my tormented beard has now thickened out again - and let's face it, they just don't have those comforting signs that say 'WE HAVE THE DEATH PENALTY, HAVE A NICE DAY' like they do at the airports.
Our first stop was our glowing return to Krabi, due east of Phuket, where we deftly boarded the last boat over to Ton Sai bay and checked into the Andaman bungalows courtesy of the wonderful Mr. Tula. Despite my unkempt appearance, he warmly shook my hand, remembering me from the visit nearly two years ago, and after showing the requisite amount of thigh (he took a kind of liking to me) we had a room with a complimentary hammock.
Things weren't all going to plan however, and after doing a quick lap of the bay and not running into Aaron and Jodi (a.k.a. Smith Corp) we resorted to the evils of the internet and found that they were over on Koh Phi Phi island, staying in a 'Tonsai Bay', at one of three 'Andaman Bungalows'... hmmm, what are the odds? Hint, first line of the lonely planet about the Tonsai Bay where we were staying, "Not to be confused with the Tonsai Bay on Koh Phi Phi..."
yep yep yep, a bit of a bungle, but not to worry, we were greeted the following afternoon with a hearty 'Moshi Moshi!' from the dashing Mr. Smith (bearded also, but trimmed around the edges, tanned, and much more buff than I remember, whoooaaarrr!!!) and his beguiling mistress, the enchanting Jodi Wickes.
The famous foursome are now in place, and after a very lazy (and rainy) few days there we're now at an undisclosed location on the east coast of Thailand, shortly to head for another undisclosed location before making the trek up to Bangkok for visas and a trip to the River Kwai bridge. After some long meetings, map analysis (Flying Officer Jones, where are you when I need you?), and time management strategy brainstorming mindmapping, we've put some times to the various areas we're wanting to cover and it's time to get cracking!
So, big ups to my homies in the J-to-the-Pan, sorry to hear about the pounding you've been getting at the hands of typhoons and earthquakes. Damage prevention tip; Blu-tac is ideal for keeping vases, picture frames, and crockery in place, and it can't even be seen! Remember to roll not pull though.
I'll sign out with a question, which has been debated a lot lately. Actually, I've just thought of another, so let's call this a readers' poll;
1. Do lakes have tides?
2. What does the word 'wizened' mean?
Yours in gleeful anticipation,
Arch :)
Jungle Fever
hgggmmmm, getting pretty hot out here, in the jungley old jungle...
What, with the hornbills, monkeys, scorpions, and thunderstorms that sound like artillery, I'm starting to get jittery. It's just me and a volleyball I call 'Julie', and every day is little more than a quest for fresh water.
My beard is coming along well tho, but I'm getting the shakes; listening for the next squadron of bats that fly up and down in front of my cabin - and it's affecting my fishing hand. If I crank the handle a little longer I can finish writing this post, but in the meantime - send more canned meat, please.
muggy,
hot,
jungley,
Arch, King of the Jungle*
*not endorsed by, or to be confused with the King of Rock'n'Roll, the King of Shaves, the King of Thailand, or Tomato: the King of Heat.
Don't fear the Rotan
Morning there campers,
Quite a lot has gone on over the last couple of days, and Mumsy - you'll be pleased to know we made it out of Indonesia without being bombed, or having our kidneys stolen.
We dashed across from Indonesia to the Malaysian port island of Pedang, and being shown around by our new Japanese friend Hitoshi (now there's a weird change of scene) had a yumbo gumbo feed in the Chinatown there, under the cooling spray of the mist-producing fans. Our accomodation was a little less, how should I say - 'glossy' than that of Lake Toba; so a lack of windows and travelling tensions made for a pretty sticky night there, and we decided to opt for some beach action as soon as we could.
Embolded now after enough random experiences to remove my 'fresh off the farm' appearance, we decided to take a punt and catch a bus south for a little island where we are now. It's all smiles, and we knew we'd hit on a good place to stay when we walked in and had to fight our way through a maze of Bob Marley flags. When talking of timeframes, the owner (Ade, with dreadlocks down to his bum) always refers to things relative to the year Bob Marley died.
He likes Bob Marley.
Recent highlights include night swimming (I'm soooo Michael Stipe) with loads of phosphorescence during a lightning storm, feeding the monkeys outside our room, and drinking milk from a coconut that fell from a tree and almost brained us on the way to dinner. It's a tough life Dad, I tell you.
So, we're just four days out from meeting the erstwhile business magnate Aaron, and his partner in crime - the newly named 'Wicko' up in Thailand. We'd like to get the train up, and I'm pretty sure that if I tip the driver he'll take us over the Bridge on the River Kwai.
Lastly, travel tip of the day;
When you're entering a country with the death penalty for drug trafficking, don't get your girlfriend to trim your beard (rather patchily) the night before. Just don't...
Back to our room now for some cards and reggae. Berin, the area around where we're staying is soooo Medal of Honor Rising Sun, I swear I saw a guy digging himself into a foxhole as we were leaving...
Yours in fear of 100 lashes,
Arch :)
Well, THAT was pretty relaxing...
Ahhh, (leaning back on the chair and cracking my knuckles), there really is some good relaxing to be had in the top of Sumatra, let me tell you...
Oh, the smelly streets of Jakarta seem so far away now, let me try and remember...
So, still feeling pretty crook (and self medicated on local over-the-counter antibiotics) we managed to get lucky and find a cheap flight out of Jakarta on the morning of the 28th, and decided to save ourselves 55 hours on the bus and took it immediately. Gleefully rubbing our palms together, we made our way out to the airport, bags in tow, and then quickly discovered why the ticket was so cheap;
You know when you see pictures of planes that go down in Russia or somewhere on the African continent? Well - imagine you found about three of those, and then welded the salvageable parts of it together; that was our plane, the mighty Boeing 727-200. At least it's not quite 40 years old yet.
It was a pretty dusty, grimy old bird, and it was no surprise to me that when I glanced up into the cockpit I couldn't see any LCD screens, or beautiful matrices of lights - rather a magnetic compass and what I'm sure was a canary in a small cage... Anyway,
Skybridges! Pah! I laugh at your skybridges - if walking out across the tarmac was good enough for Charles Lindberg, it'll be good enough for me thanks. We chose to board in style, a short walk onto the runway, before climbing up into the ramp the comes down out of the back of the plane, and taking our seats overlooking a wing with no engines. Sketchy landing aside, Jules and I were pretty happy to make it to our destination, and I thought it might be fun to take a little video as we walked out of the back of the plane, just to remember the whole 'ramp' saga. Fortunately then, rather than before I boarded the plane, I noticed a large panel (ooo, about 600mm square perhaps) on the engine, which for the duration of our flight was affixed with nothing but duct tape. Bring back the golden age of land travel...
So, we were now in Medan, up the top of Sumatra, and after a short ride in a wheelchair welded to the side of a Vespa (no, really) we made it to Hotel Zakia where we gratefully took a little room before heading out to Lake Toba the next day.
Righty, everything is still a blur of (lack of) movement - and we find ourselves now on Sunday the 29th, where after a 4 hour ride in a minivan (pumping VERY HARD bad 90's trance) we were accosted by various people offering to either accommodate us, sell us mangoes, or possibly change our tyres. We were at the shore of Lake Toba, headed for Samosir Island - an island in a lake on an island in the sea. Tina was our pick of the bunch, and she took us to Liberta Homestay.
Then it got pretty relaxing. Lemme see, one hot shower (the holy grail of our last month), our own Batak styled house with a bed in the loft, and a barbequed fish later, I was starting to feel pretty chipper. This place we fell apon has been the best place I think I've EVER stayed in, and we were superbly well looked after by the legendary Mr. Moon - the proprietor. I really wish I could post photos from here, cos I can't say enough good things about the place and the man. For the first time we were free of people constantly trying to sell us things (except the local specialty), well fed, and steaming after showers.
Just a little place mind you - no big ideas here, and there were few other folk staying there over the six days we were there. We did meet a splendid English couple (from Slough - home of The Office!) called Clive and Sheila, and we spent plenty of time doing nothing with them, interrupted only by the arrival of our 'trails' for the trip - Jo and Jim, who arrived on Wednesday afternoon and were loads of fun to do more nothing with.
There's little point in summarising the six days on Lake Toba with much more than a stretch and a groan - it turned out to be the perfect spot to spend a few days cleaning up and unwinding before leaving Indonesia tomorrow, when we'll get a ferry across to Malaysia.
Sumatra is steamy, with loads of rubber trees (drippy), children who smoke (but only when they're not riding motorcycles) and water buffalo (they look like they're made of concrete), but it was the Batak Houses (not my picture, but this is what one of them looks like) that took the cake, and got me over my 'starting-the-brand-new-sketchbook' phobia and the dusty old brain thinking severely about Architecture again.
And now my 30 days are up and it's time to move on to another country. We're back in crusty old Medan, fed, watered and waiting. We catch a ferry over to Malaysia tomorrow, and we'll be taking a train up from there, eventually meeting Aaron and Jodi in Ton Sai, Krabi, Thailand-alicious!
Cheers heaps for all the comments lately folks, mucho gusto. Kate, I really don't know where we'll be, but somewhere around, um, the region of, Cambodia, like maybe?
Your man in the jungles of Sumatra*
Arch :)
*I've really always wanted to say that.
